The F1 calendar is in crisis, but luckily cricket and greyhound racing have the answer. Rob records from inside his bedsheets. Michael laments the demise of an office furniture company.

Michael attends an engagement party. Rob embarks on a pub crawl. We proposition you, dear audient, on a new project unusual.

Hey Hey It’s Saturday was a long-running variety television program on Australian television. It initially ran for 27 years, debuting on the Nine Network on 9 October 1971 and broadcasting its last episode on 20 November 1999.

Esteban Ocon gets a gong. Valtteri Bottas is gonged. Rob needs to buy a gong. Do you have a gong? Please mail in.

If you no longer go for a gap that exists, you have saved 1.2 per cent of your budget cap.

Sebastian Vettel is disappointed in you. No-one cares about speed kings. We fit a surprising number of advertisements into the podcast.

F1’s first-ever sprint race deserves Box of Neutrals’s first-ever sprint podcast. We get Davide Valsecchi nostalgia and have a grande svendita.

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We apologise on behalf of Sky Sports for the weekend’s many BBW references. Michael’s mum stops listening to the podcast. We launch a hot new conspiracy theory that doesn’t involve Lindsay Fox.

We ask Google what’s on the mind of the F1 zeitgeist. Sergio Perez is a vicious lamb. The cursed parma returns.

We stalk Jost Capito on LinkedIn and talk about the Big D of 2015, which is not a Manscaped reference and will make more sense later. We accidentally have a genuinely good idea.

If the championship leaders don’t score points, did the Azerbaijan Grand Prix really happen? Sergio Perez wins, Lewis Hamilton spins and Valtteri Bottas is no good.

Back in lockdown, first part of the show failed to record, denied an Indy 500 Monday nap — the Azerbaijan GP can only get better from here. #HaveACrackDC

Sebastian Vettel makes the forbidden overtake in a Monaco Grand Prix that plunges the F1 stockmarket into a depression. Lando Norris takes out a multi on McLaren.

Australia gets roasted by sprint qualifying time zones. We talk about unsanctioned cricket matches. Box of Neutrals is best listened to through 5.1 speakers.

Unknown F1 driver Paul de la Rosa interviews disappointing wingman Valtteri Botarse. The Temple of Robstradramus registers as a religious organisation. Ex-Mercedes staff reserve all the good chairs at Red Bull Racing.

We explain why hummus won the Portuguese Grand Prix and talk about what initials should be allowed to be used as a nickname.

In the lead-up to the Portuguese Grand Prix we talk cheap pancakes, cheap hotel razors and cheap Racing Point merchandise. Plus: what’s your piss-weak F1 stat unusual?