Despite what we say, Daniel Ricciardo might not have a grid penalty (thanks, Adrian Newey), Brendon Hartley might not be replaced by Pascal Wehrlein (thanks, Lando Norris) and Mercedes won’t use new engines (thanks, Peter McGinley). Some other things we say are still relevant.

Australia’s number one Formula One journalists (self-awarded) talk mostly about the 24 Hours of Le Mans, IndyCar and whether Peter would look good with a beard. We revive the quiz, but it was a terrible mistake.

Daniel Ricciardo puts in his career-best drive to finally win the Monaco Grand Prix, which Lewis Hamilton describes as the most boring race ever and for which Fernando Alonso says F1 should refund tickets, probably because neither of them won. Ferrari is accused of cheating (again).

In the lead up to the biggest race/procession on the Formula One calendar, we consider which obscure Australian circuits Fernando Alonso could defect to instead of racing in Monte Carlo and ask why Red Bull Racing would be testing a MotoGP rider.

F1 politics expert Dieter Rencken discusses the prospect of a Miami Grand Prix. Michael, Rob and Peter, experts in nothing, talk Catalan politics, the 2012 F1 season and Albanian badminton — anything except the very straightforward Spanish Grand Prix.

We speculate wildly about what a Honda-powered Red Bull Racing might mean for Formula One, #yourABC curses Fernando Alonso’s career and Nick Heidfeld rates a mention for some reason. Plus Peter brings back everyone’s favourite segment: Plunger Chat.

Michael, Rob and Pete disagree about the Baku Red Bull Racing crash, then agree Daniel Ricciardo will leave RBR next year, but then disagree about where he’s going, and Finnish commentator Niki Juusela gets a mention to balance out all the Australia chat.

Peter practices his active listening, Rob practices his live sound effects and Michael practices spelling Azerbaijan. Plus a surprise new entrant enters the Formula McGinley ring.

Daniel Ricciardo’s cryptocurrency-like Chinese GP weekend ended in a good day post office profits, but where does McGinley merchandise fit into it all? Plus Michael asks Dieter what he Renckens about the F1’s proposed post-2021 regulations.

For the second Chinese Grand Prix in a row Michael hasn’t been deported from the airport, Rob talks football and F1 analogies and Peter dishes out questionable race-themed culinary advice.